FAQ's

I'm a really busy working mum and want to give my kids more time to play but find it hard to fit it in. Do you have any tips on how long I should be playing with them or things to do with them?

Children benefit from all different sorts of play, and it's much more important that they get to play than that you play with them. Children benefit a lot from playing with other children with minimal adult supervision (depending on age) as it helps them to develop social skills. Try not to beat yourself up over the amount of time you spend playing or doing things with your children, but make sure that when you are playing with them you're giving them your undivided attention - put away the mobile phone and switch off the computer. Having said that, children do benefit from playful interactions so encourage other adults (grandparents are great for this) to play with the children.

I worry about letting my kids play out to play to the same extent I played out when I was a child, any advice or alternatives for indoors?

First of all, as long as the traffic dangers are taken care of, it is no more dangerous for a child to play outside now, than it ever has been, so try and give your children some of the freedoms you enjoyed as a child. However, there are lots of activities that can be done inside. Hide and seek and end building are great fun. Getting kids involved in cooking or junk modelling - most creative play is active as children are moving around and strengthening their arm muscles. Turning chores into games is great activity too - pairing up socks and playing catch with them whilst sorting the washing, or drawing soapy faces on the shower when cleaning the bathroom are a couple of things you could try.

My children are turning into teenagers and are not really into traditional play any more do you have tips on things that will get them interested again?

Teenagers are trying to be grown ups so you'll find it difficult to get them interested in playing in the way that they used to. But as the saying goes, we don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. Teenagers will still enjoy playing games, but try encouraging them to be the responsible one helping younger children to allow them to engage with play in a way that doesn't challenge their need to appear grown up. Additionally, don't undervalue the play that teenagers engage in between themselves. It's not easily recognisable as play in the way that younger children's play is, but left to their own devices, and without the restrictions of adult supervision, teenagers will play and develop social skills in their own way, so make sure you give them the freedom to do this.

How do I know when my two boys play fighting is going too far?

It's great that you let them play fight as all children need to let off steam and learn what boundaries are acceptable when they play with other children. This is particularly relevant in boys. You are right to keep an eye on them though as it needs to remain enjoyable for all those involved for it to remain as "play".

As a general rule, if the play fight is pretty even and there are no real signs of malicious intent, I'd suggest it was fine. It's ok for kids to push the boundaries on this a little as they will find out what hurts and how it feels which will help them develop empathy. There's research to show that dads tolerate a lot rougher play than mums, who tend to over-react/over-protect their children more than dads. If you're worried, try getting the opinion of a trusted male. If things have got out of hand in the past, rather than completely banning play fighting, you could get the children to agree rules beforehand, but let the children decide the rules and if possible be responsible for enforcing them. Always encourage your child to walk away from a play situation that he/she doesn't feel comfortable in, and find other people/things to play with.

My parents are getting older and I worry that they can't cope with my young children when we go to visit. Can you offer any advice?

Talk to your parents. What do they want? It may be that although they are older, the liveliness of having young children around is something that they look forward to -and they can recover when you leave. If they tell you that it is stressful for them and the kids are running riot, try going out with your parents so you meet them on neutral ground, they can enjoy seeing their grandchildren but are able to leave when they've had enough. If you're staying with them, make sure you take the kids out to the park or somewhere that they can run around and get rid of excess energy so that when they are at their grandparents, they will be calmer.

You could try getting your children to choose quieter toys e.g. puzzles, board games, books, and not-too-messy crafts that they do when they go to their grandparents and possible get some that they leave there and look forward to playing with when they go. Encourage your parents to get involved with the kids activities and show the children things they used to enjoy doing.

Often this type of play between the generations helps them to bond and teaches both the child and the grandparent new skills and knowledge. Click here to read more

Should I be worried that my little girl is not writing as well as the rest of her nursery class?

Firstly, don't worry if your child picks up skills a little later than friends or family. Every child develops at a different rate. A child who starts writing later than other children may well develop quicker in another skill such as speaking, walking or drawing. Also many children start later but soon catch up with their peers, so you shouldn't worry unduly.

It is not uncommon for children to start school not able to write and there are plenty of fun ways to prepare your daughter for writing. For example, before the age of 4, developing muscles can be more important - encourage your child to paint, climb, and use her arms so that when she does start to sit and write for longer periods, her muscles are strong enough to hold her arm in the correct position. Developing her detailed movements through actions such as picking individual blades of grass, or doing up buttons, will strengthen the muscles needed for the correct pencil grip and then when she does start to write, she'll find it easier and so will enjoy it more which will make her want to do more of it.